do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
