I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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