somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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