it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
