Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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