idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
