some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Mom said you looked used
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
