oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
