Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
