How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
