i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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