Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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