my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
