areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
