this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
