Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
