listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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