I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
