we have pet lesbian snakes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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