So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
