i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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