I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize