Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
