i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
