Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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