Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
