i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
