I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize