im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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