Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
