I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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