i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
