One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
