oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
