May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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