I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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