That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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