I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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