I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
