party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
