I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
