i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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