That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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