so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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