just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
