She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
