and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i out mim tonsoeep
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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