if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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