Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
