it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
