Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
