its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hippo gnu deer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
