I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
