She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i think my cat just said my name.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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