I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
