Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
