Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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