So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
