Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
time to smoke my breakfast
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
