I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
