I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
