I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
