im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are you so shy because you have an std?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
