hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
