she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
