Just fell off a train. Bad.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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