i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
