The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
