fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
