Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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