I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
