I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
