the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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