I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
