I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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