Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
