He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
