You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
