I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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