i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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