she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
