hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize