Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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