i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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