I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
