Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
