My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
