i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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