I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
