so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
