I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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