how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
