and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
