I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
