I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
