I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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