you have to choose: penises or morals?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
