he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
