I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
