I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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