Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
