i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
