I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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