i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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